If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
BRING THE BAGELS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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