She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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