Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Farmville is her only friend.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
