i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
