It's like God shit irony all over that family
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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