I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize