how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
