He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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