Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
