wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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