I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
