Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
