I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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