that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
