Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
