I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
