I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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