I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
