She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
