I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
