I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize