The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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