you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
