Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently the secret to your success is patron
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
