just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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