I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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