Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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