you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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