Who did Billy Mays play for?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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