I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
