I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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