Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Houston, we have a blender
Let's get the cat blown out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
