If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
pray to the hookup gods
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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