Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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