When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
