im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
