Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
