you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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