3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
