there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
