my mouth tastes like poor choices
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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