If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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