just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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