if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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