mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
