you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
