Screwed.edu
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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