Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm too high and old for this...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
