i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
