Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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