Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Come see our sink grown plant.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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