i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
