If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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