like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
