She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So. Much. Porn.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
