I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize