I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
