just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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