We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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