i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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