so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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