i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
