so explain again why im purple
no
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
