I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
