She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
