im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
