Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
