We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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