I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
