Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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