too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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