sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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