Got a toothbrush?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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