you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
