That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
