kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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