He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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