Just fell off a train. Bad.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
