Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
