My nipple is on Facebook.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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